Saturday, December 17, 2005

The only time you will ever experience this is now

Useless proverb #17 -THE AFRICAN QUEEN

Useless proverb #16


To be young, and stupid or old and useless? Isn't it possible to be old and randy? You bet it is.

Why boys are different from girls


Aren't you glad this one isn't yours?

Useless proverb #14


Explanation for women why men of all ages love playing with their balls.

Pleasure.

Part of the huge peas movement world wide

Why teenagers today do not trust adults

IT IS A MIRACLE

PEAS PRIZE IS A NOBLE IDEA

Friday, December 16, 2005

Rare white humpback whale


This first picture of a totally white Humpback whale was published by New Scientist Magazine about 12 years ago. Before that there was no 'proof' that they existed. Not counting the crazed whale that appeared in a novel called 'Moby Dick.'

Sometimes the camera does not lie. These days, with Photoshop, one cannot be certain if the picture is real, or not. In those ancient pre-Photoshop days, most pictures made with a camera were indeed 'real'. (Reality, man, like what a trip.) OK, I made the original picture from the deck of a Danish built wooden sailing ship in the channel not far from Fraser Island, Queenland. It is the place chosen by Humpback Whales for calving, and if you are into whale watching (or whale listening) this is one of the most interesting whale meeting places in the world. The migration of the Humpback whales is from their feeding grounds in Antarctic waters up the East coast of Australia, past Cape Byron, and to the warmer waters around Fraser Island.

The indescribable songs of the Humpback Whales are ... amazing. And loud! I first heard one singing while below decks at night. They sing to communicate with other whales. Marine biologists believe that their songs change from year to year. Perhaps there is some intelligent life forms closer by than in outer space. Google whale songs. Someone must have produced a CD by now.

When whales are not entertaining us by singing, or performing for the tourist trade, they have been known to enter exclusive restaurants and to be eaten by people that should know better.

Would you like a chilled dry white wine with your whale steak, Madam?

Life savers save lives - give them coffee


Australia's life savers are cheeky buggers. They have our total respect. Be nice to them.

Sign of the times


Better a sign for a bicycle than a sign for a tank, right? Tanks? But, no tanks.

SAY PLEASE WHEN YOU ASK FOR COFFEE


OR ELSE!

Give teas a chance


Apology to John Lennon.

God Bless the tea lady.

We want to be a peas full country


A winner! This is a d.d.i. picture (direct digital image) that was done on a flatbed scanner by a former Dane, Valther Hansen, who abandoned Denmark's deep freeze in exchange for Canberra's balmy tropical climate. Would anyone out there like to start a peas full competition? The only 'rule' is to use peas to promote peace. We have plenty of peas, and not enough peace.
You can sent your jpg to labrat@clic.org.au (to me, the pixel pilot of this blog. Worthwhile, interesting, motivating peas pictures will be posted. I will send the winner an original d.d.i. print from the d.d.i. lab in Mullumbimby. And you can forward your peas full pictures everywhere until the War Machine and the politicians get the message. Peas join up. And peas be with you brothers and sisters. -- stuart owen fox

Open letter to Australian Defense Forces


We, the local residents living near Australia's most easterly point at Cape Byron, New South Wales, would just like to question if it is really necessary to scare the crap out of us in your relentless pursuit of terrorists? We were impressed with the totally unexpected F-111 screaming overhead about 50 meters above us. Neat sound! It totally shattered the tranquility of the moment. May we suggest, ever so humbly, that the ADF move further away to play war games. The Cape Byron Lighthouse is probably not a major target for anybody except tourists. Please pass this request up your chain of command until it reaches the person in charge. Thank you. We appreciate your efforts to protect us from fearful people. Please press 3, and we'll be with you in a moment. Your call is important to us.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I like progress, but there are times.....


Once upon a time in a world that doesn't exist any longer millions of children collected postage stamps and used a globe or an atlas to ind out where all those countries were. Then a really dumb bureaucrat decided that stamps were too expensive. The nice people in the post offices were given machines to print labels for letters. Nobody collects them. That is OK. But I'm thinking of how many kids that I knew (when I was one) that collected stamps. The upside of collecting stamps meant that learning about geography was a joy. Make up your own mind. I still think it is a dumb idea. And not only because I used to supply pictures for stamps. Not any more. Ask teachers that teach geography if .....

WARNING TO TOURISTS VISITING BYRON BAY


In what is to believed is a first for Australia, the entire population of a Shire has been ordered to only appear nude in public. Severe penalties for failing to comply with new security regulations are now law. Spokesman Hairy Pitts from the Byron Bay Nude ain't rude committee said in a recent local television interview that nudity is a question of National Security. "People hide bombs on their bodies. When someone is nude they can't hide any explosive devises. This is an urgent matter of utmost importance for everyone in our community that loves freedom and security. " Support for the new totally nude regulations were endorsed by the naked Vicar of Byron Bay The Rt. Rev. Peter Perve. "Everyone in our Adam and Eve church group, as well as all of the Nuns from the Byron Bay Convent are behind us and absolutely everyone is satisfied that this is the way to go into the future. There is no point beating your breast about it."

No porpoise to this picture at all, just dreams


There really isn't any porpoise to life except to take a nap every day, to enjoy the good things and the good people around you, to laugh, to smile, to eat, to create, to make music and since you won't be here except for one stage appearance, and a brief one at that, go for it in a positive way. And take naps.

Complete insanity


The military has once again lost the plot completely. Not satisfied with our species killing more of our species, there are some real fun people in the military that are training dolphins in the arts of war. Hey! These 'dumb' animals are smart enough to learn things! Proof once again that there is very little intelligent life on earth. But why stop at dolphins learning the arts of war? Why not teach frogs the arts of war? Why not teach kittens the arts of war? Bunny rabbits? What purpose is there to teaching the porpoise? Hey, flipper! Kill! What I want to know is this -- do their mothers know what they are doing? Do their wives?

"Oh, hello dear, I've had a bitch of a day teaching dolphins how to kill. Shall we wake the children and tell them?"

Sleep well, sweet dreams.

Wet dream zone ahead

Is there a country that needs to be moved away?


If you happen to be a leader of a country and you have a problem, who do you call? Why us! We can fix anything. We do not encourage tolerance. We promote a permanent fix the easy way. Don't hesitate, or delay. Special offer lasts until 2007.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

WARNING - DIRECT DIGITAL IMAGING ZONE AHEAD


Joseph Banks, a touring English botanist visiting Australia in 1770 on an around the world cruise picked one of these unusual flowers.Today we know it by the name "Banksia". This direct digital image was created by the quirky d.d.i. lab which consists of one lone eccentric in Mullumbimby, New South Wales, Australia. Contact labrat@clic.org.au Paper bags full of cash readily accepted. Give us coffee, and nobody gets hurt. When we don't do d.d.i. we create satire for the good of the world. Satire leads to laughter. Laughing is good.

D.D.I. lab is also well known as the C.I.A. - H.Q. (computer-inspired-artist's hind quarters). It has been experimenting with making pictures without cameras, without film and without chemistry. Go on, be a devil and try it. d.d.i. lab operates as a fully independent lab. We are not funded by anybody or any institution, and we have absolutely no connection with that other CIA-HQ in the United States of America. We at the d.d.i. lab are interested in botanical subjects and the natural world belonging to insects, fish, birds, etc. The other CIA-HQ does different things. Their mission statement, and our mission statement are not at all similar, nor are the things that we do when compared with the things that they do.

Our particular form of "homeland security" involves keeping mosquitos and roaches away from our lab, as well as snakes, spiders, centipedes, and other small life forms. Nobody is really sure what their "homeland security" is all about, but an educated guess is that it has nothing to do with insects. They are, as we are well informed, pretty straight. We are not. We do not wish to be disrespectful to the other CIA-HQ. But ... I'll bet we have more fun and less enemies and more flowers in our life than they do.

End of mission statement for the d.d.i. lab - computer inspired artist's hind quarters.

yellow rose of Texas is the only rose for me


Direct Digital Image by d.d.i. lab, Mullumbimby

Tulips


Scanning a bunch of flowers at one time by d.d.i. lab, Mullumbimby

Yellow hybiscus - Mullumbimby 2005


Scanned by d.d.i. lab in Mullumbimby

Silky Oak flower, Mullumbimby 2005


Direct digital image

Button Plant, North Queensland d.d.i. by d.d.i. lab


Identified by Joseph Banks and Daniel Solander in 1770.

This rose reminds me of something....


Direct Digital Image
d.d.i. lab

How it should be done

xenophobia


Race is only skin deep. With X-rays, everybody looks exactly the same. Ask your doctor to explain that to you if you don't get it. Wouldn't life be boring if everybody were the same? Different people are like different spices that we use in cooking. A good blend of spices, and we get more interesting food to enjoy. Learn to cook. If you only had one food to eat for the rest of your life how boring that would be for you. People are the spice of life. Vive le difference.

As the dictionary explains:

xenophobia (n) intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries.

It can also be spelled this way: ugly, stupid, dumb, mad, irrational, silly

What every leader needs to wear


Seriously, it seems the halo has gone out of fashion. However this is not meant in a religious way. But in a way that earns respect for the person wearing one. A halo might be 'invisible' but some of us can see if someone has one on. Most leaders seem to think that they can actually 'have us on.' Bring back the halo.

Poor politicians, we feel sorry for you people....


Pity them who get the blame for everything, even though they might not have done anything. Maybe thats it. But out here in reality-land we cannnot simply go on forever just talking about IF the fog will ever lift.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Why you should listen to scientists

NEW BYRON BAY COMPETITION NOW OPEN TO ALL


The Annual Byron Bay New Year's Binge Drinking Competition has been running unofficially for years. Now, all the local residents are behind binge drinkers and the event is officially 'official'.

Everything needs a root (Australian version of root)


What can you expect from a nation that was settled by convicts? Under the command of the British, of course.

Take the word 'root' for example. In Australia 'to root' means to have sexual intercourse. Typical of convict language. But to use the word 'get rooted' in an argument means simply 'go fuck yourself'. With all the sports available in this country it is common to 'root' for your team, in which case root means 'to cheer' and not to fuck up the other team, although that might be its second meaning.

Australian English is different from English English or American English. It is, how shall we put it? much more 'colorful'.
America was settled by Puritans, and most Americans seem to have a hard time escaping their past history. It is reflected in their current politics, and their unshakeable faith in their superior morals and their abundant enthusiasm for belief that God has made them, and them alone, the rightful heirs as the Rulers of the Universe.

This is currently in dispute in some parts of the world.

If you didn't like this lesson in Australian language, then all I will say to you is this: "Get rooted, mate!"

How it all began: A History Lesson

caution please - you are entering a proverb zone

Lucky useless proverb #13

Important useless proverb #12

Useless proverb #11

Useless proverb #10

CAUTION: USELESS PROVERB ZONE AHEAD

Monday, December 12, 2005

On the upside, think of the fresh air




Why snow is a blessing.

It is never a problem to find your bike under the snow when you live in the tropics. On the other hand, there might be a snake coiled on the handlebars, or a 15 cm centipede on the seat. If you haven't been bitten by one, you'll never know what the word 'pain' is all about. Bicycles don't bite. Centipedes and snakes do.

Mango Pine flower and a bit of history too


Direct digital image by d.d.i. lab, Mullumbimby using an Epson 1640 XL scanner at 3200 dpi and a single emitting light souce with a covering black absorbing light box. Colors are forensically accurate. For technophiles the scan file size was just under one Gb. This image was processed on a Mac G4 in 2003 while working in Cooktown, far North Queensland, at the base of Cape York.

This salt water crocodile infested river is the exact spot where Lt. James Cook brought his crippled ship "The Endeavour" in for major repairs on its wooden hull after striking a coral reef off the coast of what is present day Cape Tribulation (James Cook named it.) As the ship floundered, Cook gave orders to the strongest members of his crew to tow the bark to a safe mooring further north (at present day Cooktown). It was rumored that Cook had in his possession a copy of a Chinese map drawn up in 1421 by Chinese sailors and that he obtained the map from the English Admiralty prior to his epic around the world voyage. That his crew were strong men, there is not a shred of doubt. You try pulling a ship full of water with a rowboat. Lt. Cook was promoted to Captain upon his return to England for his efforts. Cook had less success in Hawaii on his following voyage, to put it mildly. (Google Captain James Cook if this is too short.)

Joseph Banks bankrolled this expedition, and sailed as the ship's botanist. In this work he was assisted by Daniel Solander, a Swedish national that he met in London in 1768. (Solander had been a pupil of Linneas. Go on, Google it.) Solander thus became the first Swede to sail around the world, followed by millions of backpackers with blond hair, perfect teeth and a love of strong drink.

While repairs on the muddy bank presented major problems for Cook, for Banks and Solander the forced seven week delay seemed like heaven. The two intrepid botanists were able remain ashore and to identify and classify more than 200 botanical species new to English science. (It was here that they shot the first kangaroo, and named it after speaking with local Aboriginal men.) A memorial sculpture to the dead kangaroo, complete with a plaque, was placed on the site during the 20th Century. During the stopover Banks and Solander also contemplated the wisdom of establishing a scientific botanic gardens in London. Today it is known as Kew Gardens. They asked 'Mad' King George for money and land for the project, and he agreed. 'Mad' King George became the nemisis of George Washington six years later, so perhaps heard of him?

My 2 1/2 years in Cooktown establishing the "New Cooktown School of Botanic Art" using direct digital imaging methods
are my personal tribute to the pioneers Banks, Solander and their captain on their 1770 voyage of discovery. -- stuart fox

Useless proverb #6

Useless proverb #8

Useless Proverb #7

Season's Greetings

It can't happen here in our democracy, THANK GOD!